A Heavenly Elegy: Session 2: N00b Beware
by Ytoabn
Summary: Scott Jones has to save a computer nerd whose big mouth is going to send him to the psych ward.
1. Session 2: Chapter 1

A Heavenly Elegy: Session 2: N00B Beware!  
  
Chapter 1...  
  
In a janitors broom closets with mops, buckets and bottles of toxic cleaning supplies, a 300 pound man with 1/2 inch thick glasses, freckles all over his face and frazzled red hair sat hunched over a laptop. He had headphones over his ears, and his head kept bobbing up and down in rhythm to some kind of music.  
"Go monkey Go!" he said out of nowhere as he continued to play his computer game.   
On the monitor, a monkey in a giant ball rolled along a giant pinball-looking landscape. The man was rolling along a very narrow strip of land, when he slipped and fell into the chasm.  
"NOOOO, THAT WAS LEVEL 75!" he yelled to himself.  
Out of frustration he yelled, "DIE MONKEY DIE!" and purposely killed off his remaining lives.  
The man snapped out of his monkey killing state at the sound of his watch alarm. He looked at his watch, pulled his headphones from the laptop and put them in a listening device that was attached to the wall.  
"The meeting should begin soon," he said, hovering his hands over the keyboard.   
He listened carefully and started typing the conversations going on in the other room.  
"Ooohh, these Cobras have a lot of little white lies don't they. Hehehe."  
All of a sudden, he stopped typing. His mouth hung open at what he was hearing on the other side.  
"Oh my God. VB4000. This is huge! I have to let the Black Hawks know right away."  
He again started typing, this time sounding out everything he typed to make sure it sounded right.  
"'This is Nick P., code named Falco. I have heard some very exciting news that has to be transferred right away. However, I think these damn Cobras' are catching on to me. I request a return to Black Hawk HQ so I can relay this message personally, and to save my own skin.  
Falco out'  
  
Hmm... Yeah, that's sounds good. Ok, hit send and it's done. Man, this is going to be huge."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
In the large and elaborate room at the top of the Muscle Skyscraper, Matt Vines sat at his desk looking over a pile of papers in silence. The silence was broken with a buzz.   
"What is it Debbie?"  
"Mr. Scott Jones is here to see you sir."  
A small smile came to Matt's face as he said, "Yes, of course, send him in."  
The doors swung open and Scott walked inside. Matt immediately got up from his chair and said, "The Big Chief, Scott Jones. How are things?"  
Matt extended his hand for a handshake; Scott ignored it and said, "Fine. Things are just fine. What did you need me for, sir."  
"You really need to loosen up, Scott," Matt said walking back to his chair.   
"We've got a slight problem," Matt said.  
He searched his desk for a folder and slid it over to Scott. Scott grabbed it, and opened it up to the picture of a freckled face nerd.  
"His name is Nick P., coded named Falco. He has been working undercover at the Cobras for quite some time. He is a computer genius and his been quite helpful. However, the Cobras are starting to catch on to him, and I got an e-mail today. He has apparently found something big, and requested an end to the undercover operation."  
Scott closed the folder and said, "Why haven't I ever heard of this little operation?"  
"Operation Stardust has been going on for many years, besides, only a few of the top brass know about this guy."  
Scott tossed the folder back to Matt and walked away.  
"I've got this one in my back pocket, sir. I'll see you in about 2 hours."  
"Scott! Wait!"  
Scott turned his head and said, "Yes?"  
"I don't want you running in there blowing everything up. We do have to keep at least one of the people in that building alive."  
A look of disappointment came over Scott's face.  
"Here is what you will do, Scott. Falco is going to make up some excuse to go down to ISSP headquarters. You will go in there dressed as an ISSP officer, take him to a car that is waiting outside of the building. Another ISSP officer that will be in the car will drive you two away. Safe and sound. No blood spread at all."  
Scott's face showed his dissatisfaction with the plan.  
"You know sir, that sounds good and all, but can't I at least..."  
Matt interrupted, "No Scott, you can't."  
"Can I..."  
"And no, you can't carry a gun."  
"Can..."  
"No, no you can't use the car to ram the Cobras entrance."  
"C..."  
"No, you can't kill any member of Cobra on this mission."  
"I think you know me a little to well."  
"Unfortunately, I do."  
There was an odd silence in the room.  
Matt broke the silence, "Do you understand your mission?"  
"Yes sir." Scott said almost rolling his eyes as he walked away.  
"One more thing, Scott."  
"Yeah, what's that?"  
"This Nick guy is really into something called anime. Just a fun fact for you."  
Scott raised an eyebrow and said, "Fun Fact? Some how I think this is going to be a very annoying mission.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"You want me to do what?" John yelled.  
Half of the customers at Martha turned to the screaming ISSP agent.  
"Calm down John. I just need someone from ISSP to act sort of as a chauffer."  
John gathered himself and said, "Why the hell should I help you?"  
"Because this guy were rescuing knows a lot about the Cobras. Some the information he knows could help you out..."  
This caught John's attention. He leaned back in his seat and thought over the offer. He opened his eyes with a grin across his face and nodded.  
"Great. I knew you would help me out, John. Now do you want to wear the little chauffeur's cap or not?"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
John's StarW hummed along the streets, barely making a sound.  
"Tell me again why I'm wearing this stupid chauffeur's cap," John asked.   
"We flipped a coin to see who would pay the bill. You lost, so you said double or nothing and lost again. Well, that little hat is the double."  
John groaned, "And remind me why my new nickname is Cecil?"  
"Because that's a chauffeur's name."  
John groaned again, "It really wasn't worth it."  
"That's why you shouldn't gamble my friend."  
The patrol car continued to hum its way down the streets and sidewalks till it came to a skyscraper at the corner.   
Scott looked out the window, and said, "Ok, this is it. Stop the car... Cecil."  
John grumbled at his new nickname and slammed the brakes sending Scott's head into the dashboard.  
"Touché, Cecil," Scott said, his voice muffled by the car.  
John was grinning ear to ear.   
Scott unstuck his head from the dashboard and said, "I'll be back in ten to fifteen minutes."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Scott walked through the hallways of Cobras HQ, doing his best to blend in. He made sure to look at every person and every door with only a casual glance, nothing that would make him to suspicious.  
Scott found the room that Nick P. stayed in and knocked on the door.  
"Knock knock," a voice from inside said.  
Scott looked around to see if anyone was going to watch him answer the stupid question. No one was around so he answered, "Who's there."  
"Hehehe, I AM. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA."  
"Uhh...."  
"Does your heart burn with the flames of Charmander?"  
"Uhh... yeah. Sure it does. Anyway, Falco, your ride to ISSP is here."  
The door immediately swung open and a fat man with 1/2 inch thick glasses and wide opened eyes were at the door.  
"Ooohh, it was you. Hehehe. Sorry about the knock-knock joke, just testing."  
"Right, okay then, lets get going."  
"I will follow you anywhere, Fox."  
"What?"  
"Or would you prefer to be Mario and I be Luigi?"  
"Huh?"  
"Jax and Daxter"  
"Uh..."  
"Bowser and Baby Bowser. Wario and WaLuigi. Ratchet and Clank. Sonic and Tails. Batman and Robin. Goku and Krillin. Homer and Bart. Robert and Ebert. Murphy and Sparks. Birdman and Peanut. Meatwad and Frylock. Screw Shake."  
"Stop!"  
"Or how about you be Link and I am the trusty fairy, Tingle!"  
"Right, sure, whatever. Let's just go..."  
  
End of Chapter 1.... 


	2. Session 2: Chapter 2

Chapter 2...  
  
"So, I'm guessing that everything went according to plan?" John asked as Scott strolled out of the building.  
"Well, sort of," Scott said hopping into the car.  
"Where's the guy?"  
Nick P. came running out of the building.  
He leaped into the car yelling, "Woohoo."  
The entire car shook as the 300-pound man landed in the StarW. John and Scott looked back to nerd who just smiled and scratch the back of his head.  
"Whatever," Scott said, "Let's just go."  
John started up the car and they took off with barely a hum.   
"Do you have a V-net plug in this thing?" chirped Nick from the backseat.  
"Uh, yeah," John said, "Its right here."  
"Awesome," Nick said as he plug in a wire and pulled out his laptop.   
The words, "Cast in the name of God, ye not Guilty," flashed across the screen.   
Then, the computer loaded up chirping, "Good morning Mr. Murphy."  
"Good morning Iris, go to mazzjess.com, I haven't checked it in over 30 minutes."  
"Mazzjess?" Scott asked.  
"Yeah, you know. The best site ever for Bowboy Cebop news. Run by Mata Forgana."  
"Right." Scott said, still not understanding a word, "So anyway, Nick, are you sure that the Cobra members aren't going to be suspicious or anything."  
"Don't worry about it Mr. E. Nigma, I am a very convincing liar."  
On cue machine gun fire came from behind. John, Scott, and Nick all ducked the fire, but the windows on the StarW were shot out. When the passengers looked back, they saw two Cobra standard ships following them.  
"Hehehe," Nick chuckled, "I guess I'm not very convincing after all. That and my powers don't work on aluminum."  
"Terrific," John said now swerving the car back and forth to avoid gunfire.  
"John," Scott yelled, "Were sitting ducks on this damn road, can you get us in the air?"  
"Of course," John answered.  
John flipped a few switches and the StarW started to slowly climb up.  
"Can you take me higher?" Nick sung.  
"Shut up!" Scott yelled.  
John flipped a final switch and the StarW jetted up into the sky. He was well above the skyscrapers of Mars before he leveled off. However, the Machine gun fire of the Cobra ships was still following him.  
"Damn," John said as sparks from the hits on his StarW started flying by his face," these guys are pros, not like your average guys. Everyone's strapped in?"  
Scott turned to John and said, "Your not going to do what I think you're going to do? Are you?"  
"Hell ya."  
John turned the StarW 180* to face his attackers. He just grinned as he opened fire on his attackers. Missiles and bullets flew from the StarW. One of the Cobra ships blew up; the other took serious damage to its wing and more or less made an emergency landing.  
The group looked back at the wrecked ship.  
Nick said, "Not bad, not bad at all."  
"Hey John," Scott said, "We got a few more."  
Up ahead of the group, 5 more Cobra ships were taking off.  
Nick started singing, "What a beautiful mess, what a beautiful mess I'm in."  
Scott said," Shut up. John, drive!"  
The StarW did another 180* turn and took off. Machine gun fire followed it as it zoomed over Mars. Sparks and windshield pieces were flying through the air as they blasted on. Nick looked back at the pursuers, and got an idea.   
"Iris, run program D.H.," Nick yelled over the gunfire.  
"Program running...." the computer answered back.  
Nick dug through his bag and pulled out a strange looking gun. It was orange, made of plastic, and had the initials D.H. on the side. Scott was watching this whole thing in fascination. Nick then pulled out a few wires from his backpack and hooked up the laptop to the gun.   
"Can we fix it?" Nick asked the computer.  
"Yes we can!" the computer chirped back.   
A load bar quickly loaded the program and the gun started to glow red. Nick turned the gun to the Cobra ships, lined up his shot, and fired. A small laser came out of the gun and hit one of the Cobra ships. It cut a whole straight through the ships wing, causing it to curve sharply into the ship next to it. The two went flying to the ground.  
"Ok," Nick said as he watched the ships crash, "two down and only three to go."  
On cue, the orange gun was shot from Nick's hands.   
Nick ducked back down in his seat and said, "Or, maybe three is just the right number for ships.  
After watching Nick's pathetic little attempt, Scott turned to John and said, "Damn it John, do you have a place we can hide or something."  
John smiled and said, "Maybe..."  
The StarW took a nosedive straight towards the ground.  
"JOHN, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"  
John didn't answer; he just kept pointing the ship down. John soon found what he was looking for, an alleyway. John aimed the ship towards the alleyway. As soon as John passed by the roofs of the skyscrapers surrounding the alleyway, he slammed on the brakes. A loud humming sound came from the StarW as it powered down and slowed down, until the front bumper just barely touched the ground.  
"Perfect," John said, "I always wondered if that would work."  
Scott yelled to John, "Good job, genius, now how the hell are we supposed to get down from here?"  
"I never said I had all of this worked out."  
Nick sung, "And you're stuck in a moment..."  
Scott yelled, "Shut up!"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
In a narrow alleyway along the streets of Mars, the Star W was left leaning against the wall of the building. Scott and John were inside, after finding that they had 'parked' next to an abandoned warehouse.   
"Ok, nerd boy, what is the big news?" Scott asked.  
Nick P. was in a wooden chair, duck taped to it. Scott was holding on to the roll of duck tape, just incase more was needed for his big mouth.  
"Wasn't I supposed to tell your boss my big news," Nick asked, "And why did you duck tape me?"  
John came over and said, "Because duck tape solves all problems. Now what was this big thing?"  
"Huh, oh yes. It's the VB4000 guys. It is the one and only VB4000."  
"And," Scott said, "What the hell does that stand for?"  
"The Virtua Boy 4000 gaming system. The newest system from Nintendo. It's going to have all the greatest..."  
"GAMES," John yelled, "THIS THING IS A GAME?"  
"Game system," Nick corrected.  
"AND YOU MEAN TO TELL ME," John continued, "THAT YOU MADE ME SCRATCH UP MY STARW FOR SOME VIDEO GAME!"  
"System," Nick corrected again.  
"DAMN IT!" John yelled again.  
"I was half expecting this," Scott said with a chuckle.  
Scott pushed John away from Nick before he could punch him, and started his own line of questions.  
"Anyway, what else can you tell us about the Cobras. You were there for years, you have to know something."  
"Well," Nick started, "I know that on average, they waste 30% of their computer memory on video games, 20% on anime..."  
"No, not that crap," Scott said, "what are their plans."  
"They plan to upgrade their computers in..."  
"No, damn it. What plans do they have as in drug money, weapons, that crap?"  
"Ooohh... was that what I was supposed to be doing while I was there?"  
Scott's face dropped when he heard this. He closed his eyes for a moment to gather himself, then he grabbed the duct tape that was in his hand, put a piece over Nick's mouth, and turned to John.  
"Now what. He doesn't know anything at all. If I turn this guy into Vines and he finds out that he doesn't know anything, me and nerd boy over here will both get shot."  
Nick tried to mumble something through the duct tape, but nothing came out.  
"Hey, its your damn mission, I'm not worrying about it," John said.  
Nick continued to try to talk through the duct tape, they ignored him."  
"Damn it. Hey, whatever happened to those Cobra ships that were still chasing us?"  
"Eh," John said swatting his hand at a fly, "they probably just gave up."  
Nick continued to mumble, now rocking the chair back and forth.  
"What the hell do you want?" Scott yelled.  
At that moment the hum of multiple ships landing came from outside. Scott and John turned to the sound.  
A voice from outside said, "Come on, let's move!"  
Another voice said, "Their in the building!"  
"Surround them!"  
"Their ships out here!"  
"Lets do this."  
"You guys take the West exit, we'll take the North."  
"Get ready guys."  
John and Scott stared at each other for a moment and then to the bouncing idiot taped to his chair. Scott cocked his eyebrow and said, "Or... they could have called for back up..."  
  
End of Chapter 2.... 


End file.
